Posts
The term "control freak" is obviously not a clinical one, but it has meaning nonetheless because the term so clearly defines a problem: Men and women who have a high need for control can often be too extreme, giving rise to the notion that these individuals are abnormal or "freakish."
What kind of disorder might this type of person have? Control seekers are often obsessive-compulsive, angry (either overt or passive-aggressive), phobic, or even mood-disordered. These people need control because, without it, they fear things would spiral out of control and their lives would fall apart.
How can you spot a high-control person? You can spot these types in every walk of life, in settings from home to work to social outings. Do high-control people think of themselves as control freaks? Because these individuals need a high level of control, they also need to control their image, and so while they will usually acknowledge that they need a lot of control in situations, they will reject the "freak" part of the label—the association that there is something wrong with them or that they need too much control. In fact, many high-control men and women will often justify their need for control in the following ways: "I have to be this way to do as much as I do"; "People need people like me because so many people are actually incompetent"; "Things would fall apart without me."
Needing a high level of control in situations is often not psychologically healthy because so much in life is beyond our control. If you need total control even though you and everyone else knows that it is impossible to achieve, then you are going to have more anxiety because of the bar you have set for yourself.
There’s just one perfect line that completely defines a control freak. “If you want to do it right, do it yourself!” Do you live by that line? Are you convinced that the only way to achieve happiness or do a good job is by doing it yourself? This could say two things about you. One, you’re surrounded by incompetent idiots. Or two, you’re a control freak. Now the control freak exists within us all, and shows up now and then. But that doesn’t mean being called a control freak is something to feel flattered about! The controlling side in you could affect all aspects of your life, be it your love life, your workspace, friends and just about every other relationship. And almost always, it’ll hurt you more than any good it does to you.
Many people who assume they’re perfectionists may actually be control freaks, especially when they have an insuppressible urge to control others. Control freaks may believe they’re perfectionists who are really good at what they do, and they may even convince themselves that they’re controlling only because they’re the only one capable of bearing the burden.
The worst part about being a control freak is the annoying tendency to overlook that behavior within us. Control freaks never know they’re control freaks. Instead, they assume they’re generously helpful and concerned about others, and constantly try to help others achieve their full potential by correcting them and keeping an eye on them all the time.
The more helpful the control freak in you thinks you are, the more annoying you could get. Or at other times, the people around you could also take advantage of your overbearing behavior to shirk their own responsibilities and dump it on you!
The controlling boyfriend who thinks he needs to take control of his girlfriend’s life, the mother who thinks she needs to micromanage her kids every second of every day because they may get into trouble, or the wife who thinks the husband can’t do anything right are all perfect examples of control freaks in real life.
A control freak is always bothered by how others do something, especially if others aren’t doing it the same way the control freak does. And they constantly try to change others around them so other people can follow their methods and ways of life.
Being a control freak is an easy way to stop yourself from evolving or changing, and trying to change the whole world around you just because it’s easy to manipulate others or make them change to match your wants and expectations.
1. Correcting people when they're wrong
People with a high need for control often feel the need to correct others when they're wrong. They correct someone due to an irrational argument; they correct spelling or pronunciation; they correct details of what happened in the past; they correct bad manners; or they correct people when they do something wrong or inappropriate. It's important to understand, though, that underneath the motivation to correct others is the belief that they are usually—or always—right.
2. Always trying to win the argument or have the last word
High-control men and women are difficult to have relationships with because they like to set the rules—and subsequently enforce them. They act superior to others, and are determined to show everyone that they are the most practical, logical, and intelligent one in any crowd.
3. Refusal to admit when they're wrong
Hands down, one of the traits that most annoys friends, romantic partners and colleagues is the refusal on the part of high-control men and women to admit when they are wrong. It could be the smallest, simplest issue, but high-control people don't care—they just want to make sure they don't admit they were wrong. Their thinking is distorted to the point that they believe others may use their admitting they were wrong against them, or will perceive them as incompetent or foolish because of one simple error. As a rule, these individuals present all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking; dealing with anything in between is uncomfortable for them.
4. Judging or criticizing others
Some of the most judgmental individuals you will ever meet are men and women with a high need for control. They are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their fork to...how people should live their entire lives. These men and women have an answer for everything, and they come across as sanctimonious or hypocritical to those who know them well.
5. Driving with rage
People with a high need for control often get very frustrated while driving. They believe they are the only ones who know how to drive correctly. They often put other drivers down, make nasty faces at some, or even curse or issue profanities when someone on the road does something that bothers them. Yet the most common problem with high-control men and women on the road is their own impatience. They get annoyed because drivers go too slow or too fast. They treat pedestrians as an interference getting in the way of their accomplishing their goals. Again, in the mind of these individuals, it's all about them and they don't spend time trying to imagine what anyone else thinks or feels in the same situation.
The takeaway
High-control men and women, the people we call "control freaks," engage in a series of behaviors that frustrate and cause resentment in others. These individuals operate the way they do because they believe that they need to in order to meet their needs and accomplish their goals. If you see yourself in some of these high-control behaviors, take a step back and ask yourself whether you are exhausted from always trying to control everything. If you see someone you love in these behaviors, it's time to have a chat about what bothers you, so that your resentments don't get worse, jeopardizing the future of the relationship. If you point out to a high-control man or woman that you have a problem with them, give them a few concrete examples of what they do that bothers you—and give them time to work on changing.
It might be easy to confuse control freaks with narcissists, and while there can be some overlap here, not all control freaks are also narcissists. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is considered a form of mental illness that at least 6.3% of the population experiences which can be highly toxic and is often un-treatable by intervention or therapy. While being a ‘control freak’ is not usually considered a mental illness or psychiatric disorder, psychologists tend to diagnose very extreme cases of it as a form of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
What kind of disorder might this type of person have? Control seekers are often obsessive-compulsive, angry (either overt or passive-aggressive), phobic, or even mood-disordered. These people need control because, without it, they fear things would spiral out of control and their lives would fall apart.
How can you spot a high-control person? You can spot these types in every walk of life, in settings from home to work to social outings. Do high-control people think of themselves as control freaks? Because these individuals need a high level of control, they also need to control their image, and so while they will usually acknowledge that they need a lot of control in situations, they will reject the "freak" part of the label—the association that there is something wrong with them or that they need too much control. In fact, many high-control men and women will often justify their need for control in the following ways: "I have to be this way to do as much as I do"; "People need people like me because so many people are actually incompetent"; "Things would fall apart without me."
Needing a high level of control in situations is often not psychologically healthy because so much in life is beyond our control. If you need total control even though you and everyone else knows that it is impossible to achieve, then you are going to have more anxiety because of the bar you have set for yourself.
There’s just one perfect line that completely defines a control freak. “If you want to do it right, do it yourself!” Do you live by that line? Are you convinced that the only way to achieve happiness or do a good job is by doing it yourself? This could say two things about you. One, you’re surrounded by incompetent idiots. Or two, you’re a control freak. Now the control freak exists within us all, and shows up now and then. But that doesn’t mean being called a control freak is something to feel flattered about! The controlling side in you could affect all aspects of your life, be it your love life, your workspace, friends and just about every other relationship. And almost always, it’ll hurt you more than any good it does to you.
Who is a Control Freak?
A control freak, without trying to sound more redundant than I already have been, is a person who wants to be in a position of control all the time. They want to be aware of everything that’s going on around them, and they want to have control over it in some way or the other. The control freak isn’t easy to recognize yourself, because it’s very well camouflaged by another personality trait, perfectionism.Many people who assume they’re perfectionists may actually be control freaks, especially when they have an insuppressible urge to control others. Control freaks may believe they’re perfectionists who are really good at what they do, and they may even convince themselves that they’re controlling only because they’re the only one capable of bearing the burden.
The Stressed Side of a Control Freak
The control freak in us can take over our lives for different reasons. At times, a bad childhood where you felt helpless all the time could force you to become a control freak to control your surroundings, and at other times, your overconfidence and know-it-all attitude too could lead to the same consequences.The worst part about being a control freak is the annoying tendency to overlook that behavior within us. Control freaks never know they’re control freaks. Instead, they assume they’re generously helpful and concerned about others, and constantly try to help others achieve their full potential by correcting them and keeping an eye on them all the time.
The more helpful the control freak in you thinks you are, the more annoying you could get. Or at other times, the people around you could also take advantage of your overbearing behavior to shirk their own responsibilities and dump it on you!
The Craving to Have Things Your Way
The inner control mechanism is our mind’s way of keeping us safe. If you are completely aware of everything around you, then nothing can surprise you, scare you or screw you.The controlling boyfriend who thinks he needs to take control of his girlfriend’s life, the mother who thinks she needs to micromanage her kids every second of every day because they may get into trouble, or the wife who thinks the husband can’t do anything right are all perfect examples of control freaks in real life.
A control freak is always bothered by how others do something, especially if others aren’t doing it the same way the control freak does. And they constantly try to change others around them so other people can follow their methods and ways of life.
Being a control freak is an easy way to stop yourself from evolving or changing, and trying to change the whole world around you just because it’s easy to manipulate others or make them change to match your wants and expectations.
Control Freak Self Diagnosis
It sucks to be a control freak, because it always leaves you frustrated and annoyed, and it annoys and stifles everyone around you too. But it’s easy to change once you see the signs and correct yourself.1. Correcting people when they're wrong
People with a high need for control often feel the need to correct others when they're wrong. They correct someone due to an irrational argument; they correct spelling or pronunciation; they correct details of what happened in the past; they correct bad manners; or they correct people when they do something wrong or inappropriate. It's important to understand, though, that underneath the motivation to correct others is the belief that they are usually—or always—right.
2. Always trying to win the argument or have the last word
High-control men and women are difficult to have relationships with because they like to set the rules—and subsequently enforce them. They act superior to others, and are determined to show everyone that they are the most practical, logical, and intelligent one in any crowd.
3. Refusal to admit when they're wrong
Hands down, one of the traits that most annoys friends, romantic partners and colleagues is the refusal on the part of high-control men and women to admit when they are wrong. It could be the smallest, simplest issue, but high-control people don't care—they just want to make sure they don't admit they were wrong. Their thinking is distorted to the point that they believe others may use their admitting they were wrong against them, or will perceive them as incompetent or foolish because of one simple error. As a rule, these individuals present all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking; dealing with anything in between is uncomfortable for them.
4. Judging or criticizing others
Some of the most judgmental individuals you will ever meet are men and women with a high need for control. They are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their fork to...how people should live their entire lives. These men and women have an answer for everything, and they come across as sanctimonious or hypocritical to those who know them well.
5. Driving with rage
People with a high need for control often get very frustrated while driving. They believe they are the only ones who know how to drive correctly. They often put other drivers down, make nasty faces at some, or even curse or issue profanities when someone on the road does something that bothers them. Yet the most common problem with high-control men and women on the road is their own impatience. They get annoyed because drivers go too slow or too fast. They treat pedestrians as an interference getting in the way of their accomplishing their goals. Again, in the mind of these individuals, it's all about them and they don't spend time trying to imagine what anyone else thinks or feels in the same situation.
The takeaway
High-control men and women, the people we call "control freaks," engage in a series of behaviors that frustrate and cause resentment in others. These individuals operate the way they do because they believe that they need to in order to meet their needs and accomplish their goals. If you see yourself in some of these high-control behaviors, take a step back and ask yourself whether you are exhausted from always trying to control everything. If you see someone you love in these behaviors, it's time to have a chat about what bothers you, so that your resentments don't get worse, jeopardizing the future of the relationship. If you point out to a high-control man or woman that you have a problem with them, give them a few concrete examples of what they do that bothers you—and give them time to work on changing.
So what if you're not the control freak, but your loved one, best friend, significant other, relative, etc is? What now? Keep reading, let's find out!
Control Freak Management
We all know someone who is a “control freak.” He or she can’t seem to stop giving unsolicited advice or tell you what to do, and how to do it. At first, you might actually get along, but soon you realize that the attitude of “listen to me, I know better!” seems to permeate the majority of their interactions, and will ultimately end up pushing people away. Control freaks feel compelled to orchestrate and manipulate people and situations to make sure everything goes “their way,” and even if though their intentions might be benign, it can cause a lot of pain.
If the controller in your life is a casual relationship or friendship, your best bet is to slowly back away. Controllers have no interest in developing healthy, mature relationships. They just want their way, however they can get it, and will wear you out in the process. Once you’re out of the picture, they’ll seek out their next victim and you’ll be long forgotten.
If you work with a controller or have a family member who is one, and the option of moving to a small tropical island is off the table, here are a few tips that may help keep you sane.
Your best bet is to not react or to withdraw in a quiet way. Try to not to escalate your emotions, this only plays into the drama for them.
If you work with a controller or have a family member who is one, and the option of moving to a small tropical island is off the table, here are a few tips that may help keep you sane.
Set Boundaries
Yes, No and F*ck You. Be clear in your communication and your actions. Don’t succumb to pandering and manipulation, some of the controller’s favorites tricks. Be confident and clear with the controller and don’t back down. Any sign of weakness will encourage them to persist.Don’t Respond to Escalating Behavior
Once the controller realizes they are losing their grip over you, they may employ pressuring behavior. They may stop talking to you, become moody, pout, stop having sex with you, won’t return your phone calls, ignore you in meetings and so on.Your best bet is to not react or to withdraw in a quiet way. Try to not to escalate your emotions, this only plays into the drama for them.
Don’t Let Them Define You
Look to your friends, family or co-workers for support during this time. The controller does not define you and will do their best to diminish your self worth during this process. Letting go of any power they have over you will only enhance your life, and the empty space they leave can be filled with someone who matters.**********
As adults the same need to control is now a form of self-protection. Lacking control is now perceived as increasing the risk of exposing inner weaknesses and increasing anxiety. In order to prevent these threats controls on people and surroundings are imposed. For example, objects must be organized in certain ways for maximum efficiency and effectiveness, and they must be put back in a particular place once used. They may be reluctant delegators on the basis that jobs will only be done correctly if they do it themselves. Control issues are as common, perhaps more so, in their personal lives as they monitor costs, maintain a fastidiously clean home, and freely dispense advice as to how others should live their lives. It is also fairly common to find that controllers have relationships or partnerships with people of low self-esteem or victim mentalities.
Control freaks tend to niggle and pester and it can be quite irritating. If you can, try to acknowledge the opinions and advice of the person but make it equally clear that this is something you are doing in your way. It’s a lot more difficult if the controller is your boss and you may have to make a decision about how much of this you can ultimately put up with.
Lastly, look to yourself. It’s a common thing for people who feel out of control to begin exerting control. You may find you are micromanaging things and people around you in ways that help to empower you but actually begin to disempower others.
Control freaks tend to niggle and pester and it can be quite irritating. If you can, try to acknowledge the opinions and advice of the person but make it equally clear that this is something you are doing in your way. It’s a lot more difficult if the controller is your boss and you may have to make a decision about how much of this you can ultimately put up with.
Lastly, look to yourself. It’s a common thing for people who feel out of control to begin exerting control. You may find you are micromanaging things and people around you in ways that help to empower you but actually begin to disempower others.
No comments:
Post a Comment