Self Expression : Do You Express Yourself?

Children have a natural ability to live “out there,” fully self-expressed. They’re not yet tainted by the heaviness of life, having to do with worrying about what other people think, living up to societal pressures, and fear of retribution. So, consequently, you hear kids saying refreshing things like, 

All they understand is to tell the naked truth. What a free way to live! Of course, we’re not talking about the kind of truth that intentionally hurts people’s feelings. We’re talking about telling people how we feel in a kind way, and not leaving anything important to the well-being of our relationships unsaid. Speaking your truth by saying what’s really on your mind is one way to live more fully self-expressed.

So What is Self-Expression?

Self-expression is a display of individuality whether it’s through words, clothing, hairstyle, or art forms such as writing and drawing. Being self-expressed means that people will see your spirit and true character; they will see the totality of who you are. And sharing of one’s “self” fully is the ultimate in generosity and is vital for peace, happiness and fulfillment.

Sometimes we are not sure how to access creativity or inspiration, or we know what we want to say or do, but are unsure of how to express ourselves, or feel ill-equipped in our expression of something.

Here are ways to become more fully self-expressed:

Speak Your Truth in the Moment

Did you ever look back on a conversation you had and fantasize about talking to that person in a more authentic way than you did? Perhaps it was someone who mistreated you and instead of telling them how you felt about it, you walked away feeling dis-empowered and wishing you had stood up for yourself. For some of us, speaking our truth, in the moment, may be more difficult because of fear of confrontation and lack of confidence, but not speaking our truth can have damaging effects on self-esteem and even health.

Start noticing where you may be holding back and when an opportunity comes to speak truthfully (with love and kindness), take it on as a challenge and speak up. With practice, you’ll gain more courage and having difficult conversations will come easier. But if you're having a few setbacks because this doesn't seem so simple here are a few tips on how to start speaking your truths.

1. Tune in. - Make time to listen to your deepest needs. Journal. Speak voice notes to yourself. Reverence and honor of yourself and your process are important as you grow into deep understanding of your truth. Your body knows when you are giving it time. Make space.

2. Establish trust with yourself.  - You’re going to realize that you are walking a path. That while you may be in process, you will have different thoughts and feelings. It is a process of REVELATION. Memories, perhaps, you didn’t know you had, will come to the surface. Trust this process.

3. Know and care for all the parts of yourself.  - A coworker was telling me about her thoughts about her dream weekend and it was turning into a battle in her head.

One voice said, “Get it together!” while another wanted her to, “Slow down, please.”

You’re not alone there. We all have different parts of ourselves that have needs and wants for our life and livelihood. It’s normal. It’s like a Board of Directors of You, Inc. You must do the work to know who is sitting on your Board of Directors, because they are making decisions for you.

4. Get seen.  - Let me be clear, that this is not a recipe list. You don’t need to follow these steps in order. The fastest way to know your truth, to know that you are NOT crazy, is to be seen. Have others, in a safe space, see what is true for you, see your wrestle, and bear witness to your life. This is essential for human life and for love and for happiness, and it’s the foundation upon which SoulSpeak was created.

5. Find a partner in this journey that can support you (not a lover!)  - A therapist. A coach. A healer of some sort that can actually support you in big ways on this journey. Having a strong mirror and someone that can hold you AND push you as you grow which is essential for big growth and for CLEARLY claiming the life that you so desire.

6. Start now.  - Even if your voice shakes. Even if you have to say words and then you change them, because that, my sweet and fierce woman, is what truth telling is about. Sometimes it changes for you. Speaking your truth means that you are true to what is TRUE for you in this moment, in this moment, and now in this moment. It is okay, if you change your mind. You can say yes. You can say no. You can decide to change. It is okay. But you must practice to know what is true for you.

Widely Define Yourself

“People often say that this person or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something that one finds. It is something that one creates,” said Psychiatrist Thomas Szasz. When we think about ourselves, we tend to think in a certain way about our skills, strengths and talents. We narrowly define ourselves, meaning we live life from a certain way of thinking and being, which limits our experiences. We can re-create ourselves at anytime and choose to define ourselves in other ways. Explore new ways of thinking and being, and you may discover that you have talents and passions you never knew existed. (More on this below)

Engage in Creative Techniques

We can help birth ideas and create new possibilities for our life with creative techniques. Through these techniques, we expand our creative aptitude and can potentially achieve a longstanding desire from writing a screenplay to becoming a website designer to making wedding cakes, for example. Some creative techniques to try include: writing daily about anything that’s on your mind, keeping an idea book that you can carry with you, using mind maps for creative problem-solving, brainstorming, and creating vision boards.

Acquire Self Knowledge – Know Who You Are

Many of us rarely, if ever, take time out from our harried schedules to become an observer of our own life and who we are being. We get so bogged down in daily activities and obligations that days, months, and years fly by. Take time to step back from your life and see whether you are truly happy, fulfilled, using your talents, and pursuing your passions. You can even hire a life coach to help you with self-exploration to gain knowledge that can open up new possibilities for you.

Pursue Wants and Passions Voraciously

Do you feel like something of yourself is not getting through to the outside world? Are you putting your wants and passions on a backburner? This is easy to do with all of our daily responsibilities, but unfulfilled human potential is a tragedy. Once you have identified who you are and what your passions are, not to pursue them can cause serious regret. Begin now by wholeheartedly committing to your wants and passions. You’ll need to set time aside and not let anything get in the way. Dr. Wayne Dyer so eloquently says, “Don’t die with the music still in you. Listen to your intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs your soul.”

Develop a Keen Sense of Reality

Living in reality can be tough, but if we want to become more fully self-expressed we must face and do something about the situations that are not working for us. For example, if we are in meaningless jobs, unsatisfying relationships, or not fulfilling our potential, it’s time to honor our truth. Look at your life and what areas you are not happy with and then work to make positive change. Have faith and trust that things will work out for the better even though, initially, you may be uncomfortable. We have a divine right to be happy and fulfilled and, if we are not, then we have the choice to change.

How do people define themselves?

Some people use their job description as a self-description.

"I am the head of sales operations for a software company."

Some even use their relationships or other affiliations.

"I am _____’s boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband."
"I am a member of _____."

Others use their belief system.

"I am an atheist."
"I am a minimalist."
"I am a libertarian."

Defining yourself is a highly personal process, and no method of defining yourself is “wrong.” You must decide what method of self-description works best for you. There are, however, some problems with the previously mentioned methods of self-description.

Defining yourself by your job title

"Hi. My name is John. I am a sales operations coordinator for a software company."

Too often, we fall into the trap of using our job description as our self-description. What you do is not who you are. They are 2 separate things. Certainly, who you are influences what you do and how you do it. However, who you are as an individual is determined by the values you embrace, not by what you do. Financial or occupational success is irrelevant without a sense of who you are and what is truly important.

While your job description may be an effective way to introduce yourself at professional networking conferences, it is a largely ineffective way to introduce yourself in everyday situations. Yes, people learn a little bit about you, but your job description is only one part of who you are. If you rely on it too heavily for your self-description, you will sound one-dimensional which is not one anyone wants, especially your new acquaintance.

Remember that you get one chance to make a great first impression. Whether you like it or not, that impression will form the basis of the relationship that you form with the other person. Make it count.

Defining yourself by your relationships

"Hi. My name is John. I am in a relationship with/friends with/a member of _____."

Relationships are an important part of life, but it important to make a distinction between your relationships and you. Remember, you are not your relationships. We have all seen examples of people who use their relationships, romantic or otherwise, to define themselves. Yes, it is okay to introduce yourself as someone’s significant other or speak highly of your family and friends; however, you must maintain your sense of self. If you allow a relationship to define you and that relationship ends for whatever reason, you lose your identity. Truthfully, if you allowed a relationship to define you, then you had no identity anyways.

Aristotle said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Relationships work in a similar way. It is the mark of a strong character to maintain your sense of self.

Defining yourself by your belief system

"Hi. My name is John. I am an atheist, libertarian, and minimalist."

Belief systems, or philosophies, are a third way to define yourself. Every belief system contains a set of values. When you define yourself using a belief system, you express your personal values. People subscribe to belief systems that support their existing values. That is why, for example, there are so many denominations in Christianity. Someone did not like the way that someone else interpreted the Bible (which is interpreted differently by everyone), so they made their own club. 

When a person finds that a belief system no longer reflects their core values, they must make a decision: modify their core values or find a new belief system. Most people choose the latter.

The problem with defining yourself is no matter what method of self-definition you choose, they are all subject to misinterpretation. Everyone has biases, and those biases will reflect the way a person interprets your self-description.

For example, I describe myself as an atheist because I do not believe in the existence of God (or gods). I also describe myself as an atheist because many people, especially religious people, do not know the true definition of “agnostic.”

Calling myself an atheist, however, introduced a new set of problems. Now, instead of people mistakenly thinking that I am one of those “spiritual but not religious” people, people now assume that I worship the devil. (I do not believe in the devil either.) My point is that the way you define yourself will be interpreted differently by everyone. Be prepared to elaborate on your self-description and clarify points of confusion.

How should you define yourself?

Think of defining yourself like a 30-second pitch. In business, 30-second pitches are used to introduce either yourself–or your business–in an effective, efficient manner. You want to use that same idea to introduce yourself in the other areas of life.

With a 30-second pitch, you want to answer two questions:

• Who are you?
• Why should I care?

It sounds harsh, but no one cares about you, not at first anyways. You need to make them care about you, and you accomplish this with the way you define yourself.

Self Reflecting For The Editor

My name is Cassie Taylor. I'm dependable, opinionated, and guarded. I wear what is comfortable because I feel that being comfortable for me is way more appealing than being uncomfortable for someone else. I feel successful when I complete something that I say I will. I feel happy when I help others and I feel important when people come to me with questions. I rarely wear make-up because i don't feel the need to impress other people with things as materialistic and fascist as looks. I have strange hobbies, in comparison to the rest of the world, but they make me happy, and that doesn't bother me. I have many bright and colorful tattoos that I do not hide because I got them for me, not for anybody else. What people see about me is that I'm honest, I don't sugarcoat how I feel or what I think, and I'm not afraid to tell someone about it. I don't talk about myself, but I'll talk about just about anything else. I challenge people because I think differently and I'm not considered a typical "girly girl". But what they learn about me is that along with my lack of face paint and sincere honesty, comes a humor that comforts people with an easy, warm smile. 

I'm not going to try to tell you to feel this way or say this in your ideal self expression. The key to expressing yourself in your way is has to be YOUR way. No matter how the rest of the world perceives you. You be you.  Full self-expression means to take a leap of faith when necessary, live life to the fullest, make the choices that honor our wants and desires, and not settle for anything less than what we deserve.