So where is your blind spot?

Blind spots. When I first thought about that term I immediately think of in a car. That typical corner of the vehicle where you have to use all angles and mirrors and passengers just to see if there is anything there. But now I view it much differently. 

A blind spot for me is more about what I cannot see. (Obvious, right?  Not so much.)  It's easy for your friends to see that someone is treating you badly, but somehow we justify it to make it seem okay.  It's easy for you to see when something is unfair for someone else, but somehow they can't when they take a good look at the situation. It's easy for you to point out others flaws but much more difficult to see your own.  These are the blind spots I'm talking about.  The things we can't admit to, or choose not to acknowledge, like mistakes and problems. And it's much more than just ignoring the truth. What do we really do about this situation?   Don't worry, I'm here to help.

I'll start by giving you a bit of my experience. 

Major life changes are pretty big, right? Little intimidating and pretty overwhelming. Well, some of them are handed to you and some of them you have to take.  In my situation, I encountered both.  Unfortunately for me, they both ranged complete opposites on the emotional spectrum. One being extremely positive making me feel very happy and excited and looking forward to the future, while the other very negative leaving me sad and distraught with so many unanswered questions.  Both happening in the same week. Can we just say emotional rollercoaster?! That doesn't even come close.

Backstory:  for the last 2 years I have really been focusing on what I want out of my career.  I knew I didn't want to work at some dead end job forever and that someday I wanted to own a business of my own. I just hasn't pinpointed what sort of business it was yet. So I did a very generic Venn diagram. You remember those from grade school?  The two circles that partially overlap and share parts of their circles with each other. Yeah surprisingly helpful! Let me tell you how. So in one circle, I listed things that I know or want to know. In the second circle I listed things that I enjoy or am already good at.  In the middle I listed jobs and careers that incorporate both.  I won't get into the nitty gritty of it, but what I found seemed so obvious after I had found it that I couldn't believe that I had never thought if it before. My dream career.

After figuring this out, I starting making action plans toward reaching my goals. Going back to school, taking all the right classes, meeting all the right people, exposing myself to as much experience as I could get to show that I had some sort of experience. Then, when I felt comfortable enough to say I had required experience and knowledge I started applying.  I had some trial and error; asked for feedback; I made it clear that I wanted this and I need to work to get it.  To make a long story short, the positive part of the story is that I finally received a position in the department that I had been working towards for so long.    Nothing could have made me happier!  The nice pay raise would help me solve all my money troubles and my relationship would flourish because we wouldn't have to worry anymore about little things.   Or that's what I thought.

Backstory:  A little over two years ago, I met someone.  Someone who struck my fancy,  but I was a little unsure about. Someone I couldn't get out of my mind. Someone that despite all of my ambitions to make my life for myself, made me want to start making a life for us. What?! Us? What happened to me? It was all about me!  Me! Me! Me! And now this person is suddenly all I care about. All I think about. Who I spend all my time on. Why? I couldn't explain it.  6 months later I had figured it out.  I had found that magical person that people talk about associated with love and soul mates and all that garbage that I didn't believe in...at the time.  But Why?  That to this day is still an unanswered question. 

Fast forward to today. The typical love story ensued and we were happy,  or so I thought.   One day he comes to me to start telling me the truth.  A truth that I couldn't understand.  I truth that I couldn't see.  I truth that destroyed my fairytale.
If you don't see where this us headed than I'm sorry I'll make it less cryptic. This person broke up with me.

This is a person that I started changing all of my life plans for. This is a person that I actually for once picture myself in the future not being alone, but with them.  This person was my life.   To save the dramatic explanation, it felt like someone had ripped out my soul and made me watch while they put it in a blender mixed with the feces of the world.  I felt worse than any time that I could recall in my entire life. 

That happened the same week i got the news of my dream job.   At this time, I still feel very conflicted about everything that's going on.  But like I said, major life changes are pretty big, right?

I have officially found my breaking point. Well, someone else found it for me.

Typically, when I'm sad, I give myself a period of time to sulk. The period of time varies upon how serious the thing that has made me sad.  After that designated time has expired, I force myself to move on.   By then the tears should all he out; the unspoken words should be said; the feelings should start diminishing.   Beyond that I stay busy. Distractions are key. And I won't lie, a small drinking binge has always saved my life when I need it. I would he lying if I said that I wasn't in close cahoots with alcohol.

So why is all of this relevant to the title of this post?  Well, when I had an opportunity to get the job that I wanted, I self doubted and created a blind spot. A blind spot that didn't show me how great I was for the position that I wanted.  ALSO with my specific person, I created a blind spot for them. I gave them over all power and never anticipated something like what I described above to happen. So I wasn't prepared for either circumstance.  (Being ill-prepared is one of my least favorite things.)  These are my blind spots.

So where do I go from here?  Well it's actually easier to lay out into steps than you think. Give yours elf time to feel and time to express those feelings. But then: 
1. Focus on the positive.
2. Generate new hobbies to replace the old ones.
3. Find the good in what you're doing.
And finally...
4. Accept what you cannot change.

The sooner you accept the sooner you can start to move forward.  The sooner you move forward you can start to forget.  The sooner you forget, the sooner you can feel whole again.

I'm going out of order, so don't feel like it's necessary to follow that number order.  Everyone grieves and celebrated in different ways. When you find what works for you, remember it because you are likely to create more blind spots in the future.  It is inevitable.

Going forward,  know you have a support system. Someone will be there for you. Someone will help you along the way. You just need to let them.  

You'll get there.  I'll get there.

I still love him. I will never not love him.